We fought today. Not really fought but we.. argued? I guess.

Last night, he told me that his high school friends will be sleeping over at his house after their basketball game today (which he organized). I started to act silly and told him that I feel bad since his friends would be the first guests to sleep in his newly-renovated room instead of me. It was all acting ‘though. He asked me if I really wanted to sleepover tonight so he could tell his friends immediately and I simply dismissed his proposal. Still, I continued playing my act for the fun of it.

Fast forward to today, we had a really depressing exam in my internship and I sent him a voice message of how sad I was (since he was still playing basketball and I couldn’t bear not telling him how I felt any longer). I asked him if he could come watch a movie with me tonight, yes I am that annoying needy/clingy girlfriend, but I was still just acting. He started to get pissed, he didn’t say it but I sensed it, but still he kept his calm and explained that I was starting to get in his nerves, he rarely gets the opportunity to spend time with his friends and the least I could do was to give way, etc. He was actually nice and calm with the way he constructed his sentences which I know was a deep struggle for him..

That’s when I snapped. I don’t friggin’ know what got into me but I SNAPPED. Wrong and regrettable move, I know. Then he countered and we had an exchange of heated words for quite a while. I knew all the time that it was my fault ‘though. I was just waiting for a cease fire, the eye of the storm, or whatever you call it so I can finally admit my mistake. But due to some mystical turn of events, he suddenly said “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll pick you up tomorrow after your ojt and we’ll have pancakes while watching GOT.”

My heart skipped a bit. I felt so relieved, happy and surprised altogether. Well what’s the point of all this boring narrative, anyway? Hmmm.

Pao is a REALLY hot-headed person, like me. We both are easily angered and impatient. I can control my anger much better than he does ‘though. And when we fight, we usually take hours/days to cool off before speaking and settling matters. I know they say that we shouldn’t go to bed mad at each other, but for the two of us, it works perfectly fine that way since we’re both fast talkers than thinkers. I guess we just got used to the fact that whenever we’re both angry and we try to address the problem at that condition, we tend to say things that we more often than not regret in the end, making the situation worse than it actually is.

Pao is an honest and frank person. He may be harsh at times but he’s one of the persons who has no doubt made me stronger. He made me accept the bitter truth that love isn’t a foolish game of saying sweet nothings and fancy lies of how perfect you two are. He taught me that love isn’t necessarily blind. He taught me that love can make you want to be so much better, not just for your partner but for yourself. 

He does not tolerate my bratty attitude. And in the situation stated above, I was clearly being a first class brat. But then he said sorry in the middle of our argument, and I felt really guilty coz he had nothing to be sorry for. 

I had to reread our conversation over and over again and I always come to the same conclusion: it was my fault. He knew that, of course. And writing about the incident now makes me want to cry for reasons I do not understand. Maybe because it was not like him to do something like that; to lower himself and admit to a mistake that he did not do.

Or maybe.. I’m just over-thinking. 

Right, let’s leave it at that. Over-thinking, yes?